And then we learned about another side of Woody Allen. To be honest with you, I'd almost forgotten about Woody's fall from grace. It's so hard to keep up these days. But I certainly wasn't thinking about it when I titled my post about Bill. "Like Chatting with Woody Allen" seemed to sum up how I felt about my conversation with Bill, his background, his appearance, his story-telling abilities, his candor. Had Bill been more like Archie Bunker, I would have pointed that out. Had he been more like Dick VanDyke, I would have made that connection. But Bill exuded Woody Allen.
By the end of the post, I recalled the fall from grace and cautioned my audience to not be like Woody. Posted it and thought no more of it.
Last night, I received a private message from someone I knew decades ago and still admire and respect. I'll call her Sarah. She told me that she was sad that Woody Allen would be referred to in any other context but a child molester. Sarah and I shared our thoughts in a back and forth, and after we said goodnight, I realized I was no closer to a position than I'd been when she first contacted me. The good thing is that we care enough about one another that our exchange was a conversation, not an argument.
I spent most of today painting furniture. Painting is one of those exercises that allows you too much time to think. So I had plenty of time to contemplate this issue. What do we do about all these sexual harassers, child molesters, abusers, and rapists? (And I realize that there are not-so-subtle differences between the four that I mentioned.) The "MeToo" movement has broken ground that has been too long unbreakable, and at the end of the day, that's a good thing. But it seems that the movement was so sudden, there was no time to establish the rules. I am heartsick that the Senator from Minnesota resigned his seat while a self-declared predator occupies the highest office in the land. But my larger concern is how to proceed. Do we attempt to erase these people from existence? Or at least from memory? Of course, the incident that sparked these questions dealt with someone famous. Most of the MeToo testimonies that have gotten attention are about famous people. I guess it should be easy enough to make decisions about people you don't really know. Sarah can decide to never watch another Woody Allen movie. (Still not sure if I would go that far.) But what about the people we actually know? Can we erase them from our lives? My "MeToo moment" involves a relative who, decades later, became a kind and generous person in my life. Would I have been better off eliminating him from my life? My heart says no, my head says maybe.
These are tough questions. For someone who has always embraced political correctness, I am now wondering how far we can go. Perhaps this is just an issue that needs time to reconcile itself. One thing is certain . . . it is an issue that affects far too many of us, and we need to move toward establishing the rules. And if we can do that, there is a chance that it will no longer be an issue a couple of generations down the road.
The other thought that has been taking up space in my head is the concept of forgiveness. I have long struggled with that grace. One thing I have come to believe is that forgiveness is not something you do for the person who has hurt you; it is something you do for yourself. And by forgiving him/her, you have not, by any means, condoned the offending behavior. You are just releasing the offense and the offender from taking up space in your head, rent-free.
I don't need to forgive Woody Allen; I don't know him. I chose to forgive my relative. Having said that, I also know that if anyone ever harassed or abused or molested one of my kids, there would never be forgiveness from me. So it's all very complicated, isn't it?
If I offended anyone else with yesterday's post, I ask for your forgiveness. And Sarah . . . I'm sorry!
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