In the Sunlight and the Shadows

Well, I went 24 days without blogging. Initially, there was tremendous relief that I no longer had to construct my day to allow for a couple of hours devoted to coming up with a song, doing some research, copying lyrics, finding a video, musing and writing about it, and finally, posting it. I was free!

What would I do with this free time? I imagined taking a pottery class, painting furniture, going to the beach and the park more often, learning how to cook Thai food, reading more, planning my next trip . . . I got a little bit exhausted just thinking about all the things I would do.

So what did I do? I read and watched too many breaking news stories. I eschewed streaming music for watching MSNBC all day. Consequently, I ate and drank too much. I took naps. I had unsettling dreams. I angsted about getting old. I felt a constant malaise. There was a cloud over my head, and it was dark.

There were a few readers who'd told me they would miss my daily blog, and I loved them dearly for saying so. But no thank you, I didn't want the responsibility or commitment anymore. And then I had dinner with my cousin the other night, and she said, "So what are you going to write next? I know you must be thinking of something to blog about!" No. I wasn't. And then . . . she got me thinking.

But it was Jackson Browne who gave me the push I needed. As I always do, I was listening to the shuffled songs on my iPod on my walk this morning. "Sky Blue and Black," and I looked up to see the song reflected in the morning sun and clouds. I thought about the darkness and the light, the joy and the fear, the promise and the regret. Not to be overly dramatic about it, but I realized that post-blog, there was a dimming of the light in my life, a sorrow and a sadness that I was unable to identify.

I can't sing. I can't swim. I can't speak a foreign language. I'm a lousy cook. But I can write. It is how I navigate both the world I live in and the world inside me. It is how I pray. Like an athlete needs agility, like an artist needs vision, like a mathematician needs numbers, I need words. My world stops making sense without them.

So. Here it is, my new blog. But there will be a few things that are different this time. Most notably, it will not necessarily be a daily effort, and I am not committing to a year. I'll write when I want to or when I have to or when the Muse insists upon it. I'm also not going to restrict myself to a particular theme, like falling in love with something every day or examining song lyrics. I might dissect a song, I might tell a story, I might write a poem, I might just ramble on about nothing at all. I will probably get political, but I hope that I can be humorous, too.

And I hope you'll come along for the ride. The top is down and the sky is blue and black.

My inspiration this morning.