Everyone Knows It's Windy

Ever since I watched Dorothy get blown to Oz, I have had a strong dislike of wind. Nah, who am I kidding? I've hated the wind since the day I was born. But before you judge me, let me assure you that I am all for windmills and the energy they generate. Sailboats (and sailors) rock my boat. Summer breezes and ceiling fans are cool. And that old song by The Association can still take me back to a late spring afternoon, aimlessly driving the back roads of my county when I was seventeen. And speaking of driving, hell, I've even owned three convertibles since 2003. And I never wear a hat when the top is down.

But the kind of wind I am subject to today just makes me uneasy. It's relentless, it's noisy, and it makes me want to stay inside. Beyond that, it feels portentous. I'm bracing myself for the breaking news that is sure to turn the world upside down. Amazing how weather can shape our mood, isn't it? The poets call it "pathetic fallacy," a kind of personification that gives human emotions to inanimate objects of nature. Like the wind. Think Wuthering Heights. No, never mind, think something sunnier.

And Windy has stormy eyes
That flash at the sound of lies . . . 

Speaking of Stormy, it has been announced that a suddenly-famous porn star of that name has been booked for Jimmy Kimmel Live! next Tuesday night. According to the LA Times, the man who lives in the White House "is expected to bring the thunder when he delivers his State of the Union address on Tuesday, but the real storm is likely to hit afterward." Pathetic fallacy, ya think?

Last week, I responded to a challenge by a columnist for The Palm Beach Post. Frank Cerabino was seeking "deadline limericks," those rhyming little five-line funnies taken from current news stories. I submitted three, and one of them was selected for his column. (It was about the questionable weight of that man who lives in the White House.) But here's one of the others:

A married man with Russian-backed money
Tried to hush up his porn star honey
The world gave a yawn
And wished he was gone
If it wasn't so sad, it'd be funny

Funny. Like breaking wind? Oh, I'm sorry! I could not resist. Let me try to end this on a better note. How about an Irish blessing?

May the wind be always at your back. Slainte.