Should I Stay or Should I Go?

If you recognized that title as a song by The Clash, then I am happy you are here! But why are you here? Is it because you like this blog? Or because you like me? Or because you're bored? Please don't take offense at those questions. I am just trying to decide if I should continue or take a break.

I've had a few blogs. Two of them required daily posts for a year. That got weary, so when I started this one last January 24, I decided I would only post when something inspired me. Initially, I eagerly posted several times a week. That didn't last. Although I averaged two posts a week throughout 2018, I've been slacking off. Blame the holidays? I don't think so. I guess I'm just at the age when I need to figure out how best to spend my remaining time on this planet. While writing has always been important to me (I still have my handwritten copy of the first poem I ever wrote at age seven), it seems that other things have edged out the need to write. Some of them are stupid, like spending too much time doing Sudoku and crossword puzzles, some of them are obsessive, like watching MSNBC 24/7 or checking my Newsfeed on my phone a gazillion times a day (wondering did I miss anything?), and some are good, like traveling and planning the next trip. And I love projects! Refinishing furniture, decorating my space, making 250 coasters for my daughter's wedding, putting together photo albums for my kids, etc. Hell, I love jigsaw puzzles. Whatever takes up my time, productive or not, works for me. I hate TV (except for MSNBC, of course), so that old habit is long dead.

If I don't continue this blog, what will take its place? A pottery class? Cleaning up my gmail account? Organizing my chaotic collection of photographs? Learning how to cook Thai food? Writing a novel? Well, I guess the possibilities are endless! I just don't know what I want to do.

What I do know is that I am trying to be more mindful. I spend way too much time living in memory and anticipation. I want to live in the NOW. Harder than it sounds, at least with a wandering mind like mine. I'm taking baby steps for now. When I go on my morning walk, I am training myself to be observant, to watch the birds, look for the alligator, admire the flora . . . instead of stressing about how long it will take to complete my regimen, what I need to get done today, how the stock market will impact my retirement, if my kids will still love one another after I'm gone. I am a work in progress.

Perhaps some of you struggle with the same issues. Tell me how you spend your time? How do you keep the devils at bay? What do you want people to say about you when you're gone?

Tough questions. Tough decisions. Must be a new year.