I had new window treatments installed in my condo today, and the tracks to hold the roller shades had to be drilled into the ceiling above the windows. So I was tasked with cleaning up the little puffballs from hell which scattered all over my floors, window sills, and me. Everyone hates them, even vacuum cleaners and garbage cans. The little shits just jump out of the vacuum cleaner or the garbage can and fly to far corners of the room, singing, "Nyah, nyah, come and get me!" I'm exhausted. (But my windows look good.)
My condo was built in 1995. Wikipedia tells me that asbestos was banned from popcorn ceilings in 1977, so I think I'm safe from mesothelioma. After that, they used styrofoam to continue selling the product. Popcorn ceilings are basically a way to hide imperfections in the drywall ceiling. Lazy. Just damn lazy.
I did some googling on how to get rid of popcorn ceilings, which went out of fashion around the same time as platform shoes, wide ties, and leisure suits. There was more success in eliminating those fashion trends than getting rid of popcorn ceilings. Why? Just imagine standing on a ladder with a mask on your face, scraping all that styrofoam onto your furniture and countertops and carpets, kind of like when it snows, but I assure you, those little flurries will NOT melt away. And then you have to repair all the imperfections in the ceiling, repaint, and oh no, I'm not up to the task. So I am stuck with the popcorn ceilings. I try not to look up too much.
After cleaning up the stubborn mess, what do you think I did? I ate some popcorn. Smartfood Delight (with sea salt) has only 35 calories per cup, so I went at it. And while I was scarfing down that airy, unsatisfying delight, I did some research. Did you know there are six major types of corn? There's dent corn, flint corn, pod corn, popcorn, flour corn, and sweet corn. Now, I'm from New Jersey, where we grow the best sweet corn in the world. I will only eat it in late summer, and I will only buy it from the farm stand down the road. As to those other types, I just keep mixing up the letters, pondering what cod porn or clour forn might be. Never mind.
So here are some other Popcorn Fun Facts:
~ In Mexico (where it was invented), remnants of popcorn have been found that date back to 3600 BC.
~ Popcorn (with milk) was a breakfast cereal for Americans in the 1800s. Take that, Lucky Charms!
~ Popcorn has been a staple in movie theaters since 1938, despite the industry's initial thumbs-down on such a messy thing.
~ A medium-size movie theatre buttered popcorn contains more fat than a breakfast of bacon and eggs, a Big Mac and fries, and a steak dinner COMBINED! I think there's even a movie about this.
~ Remember popcorn balls? Oh, and they were even dyed horrible colors! And we ate them! The world's largest popcorn ball is in Sac City, Iowa. It weighs 9,370 pounds. WTF?
I guess one of the sweetest things about popcorn is that old-fashioned habit of threading popped corn to make a garland for a Christmas tree. I confess to having done that a couple of times when I was young and optimistic. Now, I won't rule anything out, but I doubt that I will ever have that kind of patience again.
So the 105 calories I inhaled earlier have left me hungry. I'm going to gaze at my new window treatments (careful not to look any higher than the valances) and scarf down something not white, not puffy, not round. Something that goes with Chardonnay. Cheers!
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