Tuesday, February 26, 2019

No Pattern for Love

I don't remember how old I was when I first started visiting our town's little library. It was housed in the basement of the bank on Main Street. Mrs. Clark, who'd been my second-grade teacher, was the summer librarian. She was as bitch-faced a librarian as she was as a teacher. Memory tells me that I visited the library with Peggy, my bestie, at least once a week. We liked romantic pre-teen novels, even though they were probably not age-appropriate for our little selves. We would return from the library and settle in on Peggy's bunk-bed, well-supplied with penny candy and a good book.

So I remember taking out No Pattern for Love by I-don't-know-who, a story about a girl who was very, very good at sewing, a Home Ec stand-out. Somehow she abandons her sewing machine long enough to fall in love, but I think the relationship encounters some snags and cannot be stitched back up. (I'm making up most of this; I have no idea what the plot was.)

This is the important part: While the book lived at my house, my dog decided it smelled good enough to munch on, and so she did. The bottom corner was pretty well chewed up. My mother told me that I would have to return the book and pay for the damage, a punishment that would deplete the nickels and dimes I'd been saving for, I don't know, maybe a hula-hoop? I nervously headed for the library and presented Mrs. Clark with the damaged goods. She checked the price of the book (what could it have been? A buck and a quarter?) and I forked over the money. And Mrs. Clark kept the book.

When I returned home, my mother reacted to this injustice. I guess she thought I would have had to pay a fine, like maybe a dime, not the whole cost of the book. She directed me to return to the library and confront Mrs. Clark. I was to inform her that if I paid for the book, it was rightfully mine and she should hand it over. This was way out of my comfort zone. But I followed my mother's directive and returned home with the chewed-upon book, no good to me anymore, as I'd already read the darn thing.

Years later, before my mother sold and moved out of her house, we retrieved whatever she still had that belonged to us. There was a bookshelf in the attic that contained an assortment of books that we didn't know what to do with. There, on a bottom shelf, was a chewed-up copy of No Pattern for Love. Heaven forbid that my mother would have ever gotten rid of anything.

On that bookshelf, I found another book that held a story of my literary youth. As a teenager, ever curious about all the facts of life that my parents didn't tell me, I sought answers in books. I somehow procured a paperback copy of Boys and Girls Together by William Goldman, a 700+ page complex story "just loaded with sex," as one review exclaimed. Ah, but I was clever! I tore off the front cover of the book (a sketch of naked lovers), and just to be sure, I got a pack of matches and an ashtray and burned the offending cover up.

I had a long way to go in terms of mastering "clever." Of course, the lack of a cover on the book I was absorbed in aroused suspicion in my ever-vigilant mother. She confronted me with the book, shamed me for reading obscene trash, and took the book away, saying that she was going to burn the rest of it. I was devastated; I'd only been half-way through the book and there was so much more to learn from its pages.

Did I mention that my mother never got rid of anything (a trait that I've inherited)? There was the book she'd never burned, on the top shelf of the bookcase in the attic. If I'd only known.

When I had children of my own, I decided that no book was off-limits to them. I will admit, there were times when this permissiveness made me uneasy, as my daughters were prolific readers, weary of the age-appropriate books that they'd already read a dozen times. But I held to my promise: my kids could read whatever the hell they wanted. And they're still doing that. Like all the time. No regrets.

There's a lot of love in this post: libraries, Peggy, my mother, my dog, my daughters, and of course, books. Is there a pattern? It must be this: make books available and kids will read them.


Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Story Lines

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am

      ~ Phil Hanseroth (for Brandi Carlile)

I'm at that age where I'm shocked whenever I accidentally catch my reflection in the mirror. When I'm not looking in the mirror (which is 99.9% of the time), I think my face is the same as it was when I was thirty. Why wouldn't I think that? Hence, the surprise when the mirror tells me something else.

I turned 69 a week ago, and I've been struggling with it a bit. I know our culture makes a big deal about the "ties" (say "teez," as in fifties, sixties, etc.), and I'm still a year away from the seventies. (It is necessary for me at this point to quote the character Miles Dentrell of thirtysomething: "The decimalization of time is so arbitrary.") Perhaps I'm just getting my angst out of the way in order to make a smooth transition into my seventies? Okay, I'll buy that.

This morning I was listening to Brandi Carlile's 2007 hit, "The Story," and I settled on the opening lines (above) to contemplate. I thought about my stories. I like most of them, even the ones that involve getting stuck on a zip-line, getting kicked off a plane, or getting body-searched trying to enter Canada in 1973. I have hitch-hiking stories, drunken stupor stories, and a lot of rock 'n roll stories. It's amazing that I am still alive.

But I also have stories of giving birth to three spirited children, stories about all the dogs and cats I have loved, and stories of students, forever sixteen, who still live in my mind and heart. I have stories of untimely death, stories of loneliness and depression, and stories of grace and forgiveness. I have stories of family dysfunction, stories of forever friendships, and stories of spiritual messages.

And for every story I could share with you, you would have one to offer in response, right? Isn't that what we do? Tell each other stories? It is how we share our joy and our pain, our fear and our love. And it never hurts if there's a bottle of wine on the table when we share our stories.

So those lines on my face, the ones that tell my story, are okay with me. And there's room for more.

But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to

Pull up a chair. I have a story to tell you.






Monday, February 18, 2019

Slovenia Calling?

Nothing I say here will be news to you. My guess is that you get as many spam phone calls as I do. I could do the "block caller" routine in my sleep. As many times as I do it, I know that it's not going to make a damn bit of difference. My cell phone area code and primary digits do not match the geographical area where I reside, so when I get a call from that area (which accounts for most of the ones I get), I can be 99% certain the call is spam. I'd heard of people getting calls from their own phone number and thought that was accidental . . . and then this weekend, my guy got a spam call from his own number! Okay, funny ha-ha . . . but how do you block your own number?

Today, I got a call from Slovenia. Nothing against Slovenia, but I am fairly certain that I do not know anyone in Slovenia. Trust me, I do not know Melania Trump! Or her siblings. Or her distant cousins. Or the guy who grew up next door to her. Melania's home town, Sevnica, is known for its underwear factory and its salami festival. (I swear, I am not making this up!) I do not know any underwear sewers or salami makers. (Wow, learn something new everyday . . . people who sew are also called "sewists," an effort, I suppose, to differentiate between one who sews and an underground conduit for carrying off human waste matter. And just to add insult to injury, auto-correct wanted to change "sewist" to "sexist." Gotta love the English language!)

Salami jokes aside, the prevalence of spam phone calls is ridiculous. I came upon a headline today that said that more than half of the phone calls you get in 2019 will be spam. I am calling for a national emergency. I don't have to do this, but I want to speed up regulation on spam callers. I want a wall on spam. Block those callers! Prevent them entry! They are bringing trickery, they are bringing falsehoods, they are bringing rip-offs. And some of them, I think, are probably good people. Nonetheless, I want my Wall of against Spam!

Take that, salami!




Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Chasing the Dark-billed Cuckoo

West Delray Regional Park (or "my park," as I like to call it) is over 300 acres of natural Florida beauty. There are 38 lake acres, multiple kinds of birds and plants, a resident alligator, and an occasional armadillo. Although the park hosts activities such as disc golf, archery, remote control car racing, miniature plane flying, and trail biking, I frequent the park to walk/run on its winding paths. There to watch the sunrise, I am often the only person in the park at that early hour. I like it that way.

Yesterday, I took my company there a little later in the morning to find a few dozen cars parked near the bike trails. I figured it was due to the later hour. But as we proceeded to walk the paths, we came upon several people toting cameras bigger than armadillos. We had to ask what the occasion was.

The dark-billed cuckoo had been spotted in the park! Whoo-hoo!

Um, what?

The dark-billed cuckoo is a resident of South America. According to the birders/photographers, it has only ever been spotted in North America once. But two days ago, someone spotted it here and spread the news on Twitter. Voila! Birders all over my park!

The cuckoo is a rather dull brown with a whitish underside. Its long tail has white spots, and its beak is black. Other than that, the only noteworthy thing about its appearance is the red ring around its eyes. A medium sized bird, it's 10" - 12" long with a wingspan of 15" - 17". It doesn't seem to be that spectacular a bird! But while my googling revealed that it "has occurred as a vagrant in Florida," the birders at the park insist that that  has only happened once before, good enough reason for them to travel to Delray (from places as far away as Georgia, New York, and California) to try to spot the little thing and capture it on film.

Whatever rocks your boat.

When I returned to my place, my houseguests advised me that there is a small wren nesting in my dryer vent hose! I recall seeing a tiny wren hopping on my kitchen window sill the other day, but I had no idea she considered it part of her back yard! Last fall, after bitching about my dryer taking forever to dry my clothes, I separated the hose from the vent to find all kinds of hardened lint and stuff blocking the vent. I reached my hand in, cleared it out, and was surprised by the sunlight that suddenly appeared. I thought the problem was solved. Apparently, I need to figure out a way to stop my little wren from living rent-free in my space.

And it breaks my heart! She may not be a dark-billed cuckoo, but she selected me to share living quarters with. Me, not an obsessive birder or professional photographer. She picked me. And I can't help but contemplate who gets to be "special" in this crazy world . . . the ones who capture our attention because of their uniqueness or splendor or misplacement? Or the ones who quietly inhabit their space and go unnoticed? Look around your own orbit. Who gets your attention? Who gets taken for granted?

Who is camera-worthy?




Friday, February 8, 2019

Joni75

I was having a bad day yesterday. I spilled a cup of coffee on the couch, I checked my retirement annuity account to see how much money I'd lost, and two DEA agents knocked on my door. (Only one of those things is true.) My stomach hurt, my head hurt, and I didn't know how to make myself feel better.

But last evening, I went to a local cinema complex where I had reserved tickets for the one-night showing of Joni75, a musical tribute to Joni Mitchell, one of the greatest singer/songwriters of my generation. The film was being shown throughout the country, but on one night only. (I think it is available for purchase on DVD.) It didn't take long for me to forget my troubles and get lost in the music.

Joni turned 75 on November 7, 2018, and on that night, an array of amazing artists gathered at The Dorothy Chandler Pavillion in Los Angeles to pay tribute to Joni. All but one performed songs that Joni had written. (The one exception was Graham Nash's solo performance of "Our House," a song he wrote about his cohabitation with Joni in Laurel Canyon in 1969 when they were romantically involved.)

Aside from Nash, the line-up included Emmylou Harris, James Taylor, Kris Kristofferson, Seal, Los Lobos, Norah Jones, Rufus Wainwright, Glen Hansard, Brandi Carlile, Chaka Khan, and Diana Krall. My personal favorite was Diana Krall's rendition of "Amelia," but I will admit that it's hard to pick a favorite. My date liked Seal's cover of "Both Sides Now," and my friend Matthew raved about Los Lobos' version of "Dreamland," featuring the dynamic vocals of La Marisoul. It was all good.

One thing that struck me was a study of the back-up band. Different instruments, ages, genders, ethnicities, races, religions (not that I know what they are) . . . it was a smorgasbord of personalities, backgrounds, and presentations. And what was the common ground? The music! They performed a seamless accompaniment to the featured artists, united in harmony, purpose, and beauty. (I'll let you figure out the message here.)

The closer, on which everyone joined in, was "Big Yellow Taxi," a song from Ladies of the Canyon. Although released in 1970, the song did not become a hit in the USA until 1974, when a live version was released. It's an easy sing-along. So, c'mon now, join in:

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone . . . 


Tuesday, February 5, 2019

State of Confusion

When Stephen Miller Donald Trump takes the stage tonight for the State of the Union address, will I tune in? Or will I wait for Stacy Abrams? Although I haven't decided yet, I suspect it will be like that train wreck thing. I don't want to miss what Jared Donald has to say. How many lies stories will he tell? Will there be live fact-checking? Will Stormy Melania be smiling in the audience? Will MacBeth's witches Kellyanne, Sarah, and Ivanka sit together? And what about Beavis and Butthead Eric and Don Junior? Will they bring their families? And who will keep Cruella Ann Coulter quiet? So many unknowns! I guess I will have to tune in, at least until I throw my last bottle of tolerance at the TV.

If you detected a lack of comity in that opening paragraph, you're very perceptive. "Comity" sounds just like "comedy," which is somewhat comedic, I think. A lack of courtesy and considerate behavior toward others has been a casualty of this administration, with bullying and name-calling the norm that the White House spits out on a daily basis. Will Drumpf Trump go off the rails tonight? Will he tear up the speech that Miller he painstakingly crafted while on executive time and speak from his ass gut, as he is prone to do?

It is tradition for the Vice President and the Speaker of the House to sit behind the President at the State of the Union address. But will Mike Sycophant Pence sit next to a woman who is not his wife? (I call her my hero Nancy.) Perhaps his homophobic wife Karen will wedge herself between Mike and Nancy, just to keep things chaste.

Although the Notorious RBG is doing well and back at work, it is my understanding that she will not be in attendance with the other Supremes tonight. And who can blame her? She has an excuse to watch the address on her home TV, where she will be free to yell "You lie!" as many times as she wants. On second thought, maybe she should just go to the gym and let her personal trainer distract her from the comity comedy tragedy that will be enacted in the House Chamber. I don't want RBG to get too agitated.

Yeah, I'll watch. If for no other reason than to see if the bleeder leader of the Free World does his sniffing thing. I used to think it was from snorting cocaine, but I've been told that it's from snorting Adderall. Apparently, he does this because he can't read, and he gets nervous when he has to read cue cards or a teleprompter. Who's prescribing the Adderall? Dr. Ronny Jackson maybe? My favorite "mis-read" was when the idiot Trump talked about hard-working parents who "sacrifice every day for the furniture . . . and future . . . of their children." Yep, he said that. The President of the United States.

With all the shit poop hitting the fan these days, I have to wonder about the furniture of this country. IKEA, do you hear me?




All You Need Is Sgt. Love

The news this morning included yet another video of police brutality. There's no point in me detailing it for you. You've probably s...