It is simply a matter of circumstance that I am alone today. I returned to my home in the Northeast a week and a half ago, leaving my guy back in the sunny South, because I needed to have my leaky basement waterproofed. Two of my kids and their significant others returned home and spent most of those days with me, and I quickly got used to their company. Despite the bad weather and the jack-hammering and dust and disruption of my basement, we had some good times. Home movies, home-cooked meals (and I wasn't the one cooking!), dining out, some modest holiday decorating, and just chilling in front of the (electric) fire. It was all good.
Christmas Eve was our Christmas. We had our traditional "munchie dinner," the remains of which will feed me for the next week. A few presents were exchanged, I gave in to some Christmas CDs (James Taylor, Diana Krall, Sarah McLachlan), we lit some candles, and it was all lovely. We said goodnight (and so long) early, and retired.
At 5:00 this morning, they were gone, off to the airport. I woke up at 7:00 to a very empty house, as if they'd never even been here. I was unprepared for how that would actually feel. I've been saying for weeks that Christmas is just another day. But although I don't really buy into the Jesus' birthday thing, I have always "celebrated" this crazy holiday. I have never been alone on December 25. Until today.
It was a struggle not to succumb to the loneliness. Most of the time I live alone, and I rather like it. But alone on Christmas? That "just another day" thing wasn't working out very well.
So I cleaned the kitchen, changed the sheets, washed the towels, put the basement back together, and counted my blessings.
There are people who love me. By circumstance, they could not be with me today. But that does not diminish the love that we share. I could not help but think of the lonely people who live their lives unloved and alone. And why? Is it simply a matter of circumstance?
I end this lonely Christmas feeling grateful that I am loved. I will also be grateful for tomorrow, which will be, truly, just another day. If you are fortunate enough to not be alone this evening, get off your phone or computer and go give a big hug to that person or those people that are with you tonight. And if you are alone, like me, you've only got a few more hours until you can pat yourself on the back for getting through this day. Tomorrow will feel better, I promise.
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