Assault Life

On my way to my winter home, weary of I-95, I drove some back roads through the low country of Georgia. I can sum it up by stating two things. The landscape was gorgeous, a wonderful reprieve from the Interstate. And the second observation is that the "Kemp" signs significantly outnumbered the "Abrams" signs. (I don't think that means there are more Kemp supporters than Abrams supporters; I think it means the Republicans have more money to spend on buying and posting signs.) Anyway, I was enjoying the drive until I got behind a pickup truck with a decal that forced me to contemplate life in America probably until I reached Jacksonville. Well, that's a lie. I'm still contemplating it.

I'm sure you are familiar with the "Salt Life" car decal? Salt Life, a clothing and gear company, was founded by some guys who worship ocean life. They live an "ocean-centered life style," enjoying extreme surfing, free diving, fishing, and other oceanic sports. Sounds to me like a good group to become associated with. I mean, I'm in a relationship with a sailor, so the sense of romance, adventure, and responsible environmentalism is very appealing.

But that's not what the decal on the pickup truck in Georgia was celebrating. The decal, including an image of an AK-47, declared "Assault Life." WTF?

My first question, of course, was "Who the fuck are you shooting at with that thing?" THAT'S your LIFE? Seriously?

And then, to calm myself down, I thought about guns. Not assault rifles. "Cowboy and Indian" type guns. I'm a Baby Boomer; we grew up on Westerns. We all had cap guns. We watched The Rifleman, Rawhide, The Lone Ranger, Gunsmoke, Have Gun - Will Travel, Gunslinger, Bonanza, and several others. We knew all the names: Jim Bowie, Kit Carson, Wild Bill Hickok, Annie Oakley, Bat Masterson, Bret Maverick, Davy Crockett, Gene Autry, Wyatt Earp, Roy Rogers, Yancy Deringer, Zorro. Hell, my grandmother was personal friends with William Boyd (Hopalong Cassidy), who was also said to later reside in the very New Jersey county in which I grew up. Gunslingers all.

But my favorite? Steve McQueen in Wanted: Dead or Alive which aired from 1958 to 1961. McQueen played bounty hunter Josh Randall, a Confederate veteran who carried a shortened Winchester Model 1892 carbine called the "Mare's Leg" in a holster patterned after gunslinger rigs popular in movies. It was that holster that got my attention. Whereas most cowboys just had a holster dangling from a belt, Josh Randall secured his holster to his leg with a piece of rawhide tied around his thigh. During my Josh Randall days, I was between eight and eleven; I knew nothing about sex, what it was, what it meant. But damn, that holster was sexy! I can still see myself tying some sort of rope around my thigh to secure my cap-gun-in-a-holster and feeling like I was something! Seriously, I'm not kidding! I had a bad-ass side, if only in my fantasies.

Josh Randall rode a horse named "Ringo." (Just thought I'd throw that in.)

So what am I trying to say here? I don't know, guns are and always have been a part of American life? My father was a hunter; I grew up on venison and pheasant until wild game made me throw up. I have never owned a gun, but I understood what gun cabinets were for and why most men in my childhood neighborhood had them. And might I add that some of us who grew up on guns became pacifists?

But "Assault Life"??? What a sad commentary on America. Well, just add it to the pile. While writing this, I learned that they arrested a suspect in the pipe bomb-mailing issue of the last several days. Do I feel safer now that he has been apprehended?

You can bet your (assault) life . . . no.