So I Totally Missed National Daughters Day

Yep. Asleep at the wheel. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it, because, as so many of you have noted, every day is National Daughters Day.

I have two of them. In very different ways, they have made me crazy. And they have made me proud. And happy. Mostly, they just make me amazed that I actually birthed these smart, kind, and motivated human beings. In reality, I think they would be who they are with or without any influence from me. I think the best thing I ever did was have a whole lot of books in the house.

Rather than elucidate on all the wonders of these two young women, I want to focus on the factors at play in determining the character of our offspring. Having taught teenagers for thirty years, I have had students who came from the very best and loving homes, and yet became drug addicts or petty thieves or just mean and cruel human beings. On the other hand, I have had students whose childhoods were compromised, miserable, and sometimes downright horrid, and yet they became productive, kind, and admirable persons. So, yes, a nurturing environment is essential to character development, and yet, it is no guarantee of raising a responsible adult. So what else is at play?

Karma? I am intrigued at the idea that we are reincarnated in order to correct offenses from our past lives. If we robbed banks and tortured kittens in one life, there's another chance to make amends for past behavior. A do-over. But is there a reverse of this? Can one lead a good life, only to have to relive it with bad behavior? I don't have the answers to this, just as I don't have the answers for anything. Except that I've been lucky.

My daughters (and my son) are good people. They suffered a terrible experience at tender ages . . . the untimely death of their father when they were 17, 14, and 10 years of age. I know all too well how they might have gone in a completely different direction, one driven by anger, sorrow, and hopelessness. Instead, it seems that they have lived their lives to make their father proud. And, of course, as a side effect, they have made me proud, too.

So what would I say to the parents of daughters? Do the best you can. And have lots of books in the house. And no restrictions. If your ten-year-old wants to read The Universe in a Nutshell by Stephen Hawking, let him/her. And even though I had to hide my copy of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, I would suggest that you buy your teen a copy of it. Knowledge is power.

And given that this life is all a crapshoot, hope for good luck.