It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

In 1830, English novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton began his novel, Paul Clifford, with the line, "It was a dark and stormy night." You might recognize the phrase more by its reincarnation as the opening line in a Snoopy novel. The Charles Schultz Peanuts character, sitting atop his doghouse and channeling his alter-ego as the World Famous Author, begins his career with the same cheesy line. Or perhaps you reread Madeleine L'Engle's 1962 novel A Wrinkle in Time recently before viewing the new Disney movie based on the book. If you did, you might have been surprised to see that the opening line is, yep, "It was a dark and stormy night." (I am still not clear as to why she did this.)

There is an annual contest, in place since 1982, called the "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest." It recognizes the worst examples of "dark and stormy night" writing. To enter, you simply compose a terrible opening to a novel and submit your purple prose to the contest. Good luck. The competition is tough.

So the phrase has long represented "the archetypal example of a florid, melodramatic style of fiction writing," one marked by an overuse of fanciful description. In a recent conversation with a good friend, we discussed originality in certain kinds of writing. For example, is it possible for a writer to come up with a new way to describe love? Hasn't everything already been said? How about sex? Is it possible to describe this most sensual of human experience without using words like "thrusting" and "throbbing" and, um, oh, I don't know, I just can't go there. Purple prose, indeed.

And now you know where I am going with this. Yes, I watched the 60 Minutes interview with Stormy Daniels, newly-famous porn star, and like most of you, I was disappointed with what was revealed. Or not revealed. My interest, I swear to you, has nothing to do with prurient interests. I do not want to know the salacious details. What I want to know is if it is going to take a porn star to take this administration down. Never mind collusion with Russia, money-laundering, destruction of democracy, nepotism, the possibility of nuclear war, or fitness for office. If Michael Cohen spent $130,000 in hush money on behalf of our pretend President, and that contribution was not declared, there's a legal issue that needs to be addressed. I am also well aware of the irony in this "winner" of a dealmaker being taken down by a woman whose chosen career goes against the ideals of the evangelical community, staunch supporters of his administration. Oh, the drama! Melodramatic?

I suspect that we will have more dark and stormy nights ahead. And that there will be more consumption of that drink by the same name, a cocktail of dark rum, ginger beer, and lime. Oh, and don't forget the bitters.